


We're After the Same Rainbow's End

by Little_oblivion



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Angst, Portland Thorns, Rape Aftermath, Sexual Assault
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-28 22:22:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21399583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_oblivion/pseuds/Little_oblivion
Summary: Lindsey won't talk to Emily. Emily decides enough is enough and she needs an answer, but what if it's not an answer she feels equipped to handle?
Comments: 8
Kudos: 64





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in the spring of 2019. Ongoing trigger warnings for rape/sexual assault*

Emily had always looked up to Lindsey Horan. She was a year older, it’s true, but there was something about Lindsey’s calm, solid, unshakable presence that always made Emily feel like a dumb kid who had wandered into the room. It also didn’t help that Lindsey had gone pro straight out of high school, something most players only dreamed of doing.

But now they were teammates. They’d been signed to the Thorns around the same time, so they had explored Portland together, laughing about how odd everything about the city was. Eventually, they’d moved into the same apartment building. They’d spent months working through all of the pizza places in the city, determined to find the best one. Emily would call them friends, good friends, best friends even.

Which is why Emily couldn’t figure out why Lindsey wouldn’t talk to her.

She didn’t feel like she’d done anything wrong. She hadn’t played any pranks or been particularly annoying. She had actually gone home to Georgia the previous weekend to celebrate her mom’s birthday, but from the moment she’d walked into the locker room on Monday, Lindsey had been giving her the cold shoulder.

She had eventually given up trying to talk to her while they were at practice. In fact, it had been a week and it seemed like Lindsey wasn’t speaking at all other than when it was absolutely necessary. Emily’s feelings were hurt, and it began to morph into anger. She hadn’t done anything! Why did Lindsey get to treat her like crap, not responding to anything she said, just because she was in a weird mood? That’s not how good friends acted. It was bullshit.

Emily dropped her bag by her couch and ripped open her refrigerator door. She stared broodingly at her lack of food before slamming it shut. She would normally already be ordering a large pepperoni and mushroom, Lindsey sitting on her couch as she cycled through Netflix. But Lindsey had decided to freeze her out, due to no fault of her own.

Her frustration taking over, she left her apartment, taking the stairs two at a time. She stomped up to Lindsey’s door and began to pound on it. She didn’t answer, so Emily kept banging.

Finally, it was tugged open, the chain still latched. A sliver of Lindsey’s face was just visible. “What?” she growled.

“Let me in.”

“What do you want?”

“I said let me in!”

“I’m tired, Emily, go back downstairs.” She slammed the door shut.

Em stared at the door in shock for a moment, then started pounding again. “I will stay here all night, Lindsey; open the fucking door!”

She heard the chain slide, and barely caught herself as Lindsey threw the door open. They both stared at each for a moment.

“Well? What do you want?” Lindsey asked, her face frozen.

“Are you gonna let me in?” Emily pushed forward without waiting for an answer, only faltering for a moment when the movement made Lindsey flinch backwards. She froze, looking at her questioningly, then made her way inside the apartment.

It was… uncharacteristically messy. Lindsey had teased her for the state of her apartment countless times, trying to help her form tidier habits, but you wouldn’t know it from the current state of her living room. There was trash all over the coffee table, all of her throw blankets were piled on her couch, still arranged in the cocoon in which Lindsey had obviously slept in.

“What… what’s wrong?” Emily asked.

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit,” Emily fired back, rolling her eyes. “Are you mad at me? What did I do?”

“Nothing, Emily. Go downstairs.”

“Look, you’re obviously upset-“

“I’m not upset!” Lindsey practically screamed. Emily took a hasty step back. Lindsey didn’t lose her cool. She didn’t get upset, at least not like this.

She brought her hands up, palms out as if to prove that she didn’t mean any harm. “Linds… hey. Talk to me, dude. I’m… You’re scaring me. I mean, you were ignoring me at practice, but I thought you were just in a bad mood or something. But now… what’s wrong? What happened?”

“Emily, just go. Okay? Just… go. I’m tired and I just… I wanna eat and go to sleep. Kay? Just… go.”

“Linds…” she reached for her elbow and Lindsey shrugged away, stepping into the kitchen. Emily followed.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No. I told you that I’m fine.”

“That is obviously a lie.” Emily gestured to the kitchen with its dirty dishes and unwiped counters. “I mean, this is completely unlike you! When is the last time you took the trash out- why are your clothes in here?” She had lifted the lid of the trashcan to prove her point, and was confused to see what she knew was one of Lindsey’s favorite shirts at the top, along with a pair of underwear. “Why did you throw these away?” She lifted them out and turned to her friend, shocked at what she saw next.

Lindsey physically flinched at the sight of them, her body cringing away. She blinked rapidly, and when she tried to speak her voice was high and thin.

“Put them back.”

“Why-“

“I don’t want them!”

Emily dropped them back into the trash and slowly walked towards Lindsey. “Okay. Okay, they’re in the trash. But you have to talk to me. I’m… I’m worried, Linds. This isn’t like you, and if you can’t… Either talk to me, or I can call your mom or someone else, but you have to talk to someone.”

Lindsey gave her head a slight shake. “No. Not my mom. She… I don’t want her to know.”

“Okay. Then talk to me.” Emily backed up and sat at Lindsey’s dining room table, folding her hands in her lap. “Whatever it is, I’m here to listen.”

Lindsey slowly walked forward, pulling her sweatshirt more firmly over her hands and crossing her arms over her chest as she sat across from Emily. Her back was rod straight, not resting against the back of her chair. She looked exhausted, more tired than Emily had ever seen her.

When she didn’t say anything, Emily leaned forward. “What happened?” she whispered.

Lindsey didn’t quite meet her eyes. “I had a date this weekend,” she mumbled, just loud enough to hear.

“Okay… Someone I know?”

Lindsey shook her head. “Just… some dude. From the gym.”

“I didn’t know you were dating,” Emily said. Lindsey hadn’t really said anything to indicate an interest in going out with anyone, male or female, instead preferring to critique the girls Emily matched with on Hinge.

“I wasn’t. Or, I’m not. He just… we would see each other, our schedules lined up so that he was there when I did my cardio. He asked me like a month ago, but we were busy with camps. And he asked me again last week. And… I don’t know. It had been a long time since I had let myself focus on anything other than soccer. And he seemed nice. Tall. Strong.”

Emily wasn’t sure where this was going, but that didn’t stop the ache from building in her stomach.

“We grabbed some drinks. It was… fine. He was nice enough, but a little… I don’t know. When I would talk about soccer or training or something, he would correct me, tell me what he thought.”

“A mansplainer,” Emily concluded, rolling her eyes.

“I guess, yeah.” She swallowed, not saying anything for a moment. “He leaned in to kiss me when we were leaving but I kinda ducked back. And then I drove home.”

“Sounds like a bummer of a date,” Emily said, not seeing why some know it all dude had put her friend in such a funk.

“I got home and I was taking off my make up when there was a knock on my door. I didn’t really think anything of it, went to answer. I knew you were gone, so I assumed it was… I don’t know. One of the other neighbors?” She glanced wildly around her kitchen. “None of our neighbors have ever knocked on my door outside of Halloween, much less as eleven at night, but I didn’t even question it.”

She glanced up at Emily for a brief moment. “It was the guy. From the date. And before I could ask what he was doing here he pushed inside.”

“He what?!”

“I don’t know how he knew where I lived, I guess he’d followed me. He was all over me, trying to kiss me, pinning me between him and the wall. And I pushed him back, but he grabbed my arms and I was trying to get him away from me…” She took a deep breath, and Emily could hear that she was pushing away tears. “Before I knew it, he’d moved us across the living room, into my bedroom.”

“Lindsey,” Emily gasped. She tried to reach for Lindsey’s arm, but she shrugged out of her reach. Emily turned and stared across the living room at the closed bedroom door. When it became apparent that Lindsey wouldn’t, or maybe couldn’t, say anything more, she stood up from the table. She crossed the room in several strides and threw the door open.

Lindsey’s blankets had been torn from the bed, Emily could see what appeared to be her sheets wadded up and thrown into the corner. In the middle of Lindsey’s mattress was a faint stain.

“I tried to clean it. I… scrubbed for what felt like hours. With laundry detergent, then spot remover, then finally bleach. I can’t get it to come out. When I realized I would never get it clean, I just gave up.”

Emily turned to look at Lindsey, helpless tears beginning to well up in her eyes and spill down her cheeks. “Linds…”

“I guess I’m going to have to buy a new mattress. But they said someone has to be here to sign for it and we’ve been at practice every day, and we’re leaving for camp in a few days-”

“Lindsey.” She didn’t respond. Emily walked over to the pile of discarded bedding and began to pull at it, recoiling when she saw spots of blood marring the white. “He… he did this?”

Lindsey gritted her teeth. “Guess that’s what I get for trying to step out of my comfort zone, huh?”

“Did you call the police?”

“No.”

“We need to-”

“No.” Her voice was stronger this time. “I won’t. I can’t.”

“Why not?” Emily asked, frustration flashing through her. “You can’t let him get away with this!”

“Because I’m a professional athlete, Emily! If I go to the police, they’ll do an investigation, and the media will find out. We’re about to go to the World Cup, I want people talking about me because of soccer, not because some guy-” She broke off, unable to finish the sentence out loud. “It’ll be all over the papers. Everyone will look at me and know. And it’s not like…” she trailed off, turning and walking out of the room.

Emily followed. “Not like what?”

“Nothing.”

“Lindsey. Did… did you say no?”

She whirled around to glare at her. “Did I- fuck you, Emily. Fuck you to hell and back.”

“No, what I’m saying is… you said no. He should have stopped, he shouldn’t have- there’s nothing to…” She stared hard at her best friend, trying to find the words. “Not like what?”

“It’s…” she let out a sarcastic snort, “it’s not as if I’m Rose, or Mal. I’m not small or dainty. I’m built like a goddamn brick wall, Em. My whole fucking life people have been talking about how I’m too big, too tall, too strong, but… apparently not. When it all came down to it, it wasn’t enough.” She swiped angrily at the tears falling down her cheeks. “I tried! I fought tooth and nail, but…” She gestured back towards her bedroom. “A lot of good that did me.”

“You need to go to the hospital.”

“No.”

“You need a plan B pill-’

“It’s too late,” she said with a shake of her head. “You have to take it within 72 hours. It’s been six days.”

“What… what are you going to do if… you know. What if-”

“What if I get knocked up? I’ll take care of it.” Lindsey sat on the couch, pulling the throw blankets around her even as she fought to keep her voice even.

“What about… disease, he could-”

“Then I’ll take care of it! Please, just… go. Let me have some fucking peace and quiet, for once.”

Emily stared at her for a moment, before slowly walking over and sitting next to her on the couch. She hesitantly reached out and put a hand on Lindsey’s arm. “I need you to listen to me. This… this isn’t your fault. None of it. It doesn’t matter if you were 6’ 2” and two hundred pounds, that doesn’t mean anything.”

“I just,” she took a quick shaky breath, “I never even stopped to worry about it. Because I always assumed I would be able to protect myself.” With that, the floodgates broke, and Emily wrapped her arms around her as she cried. “I tried to scream… but he had his hand over my mouth. And it hurt so bad…” she sobbed.

Emily tried to keep a handle on her own tears but was failing miserably. She wished she could take this pain away, but she had no idea how.

She gently cleared her throat. “I think you should talk to someone-”

“No,” Lindsey insisted.

“-it doesn’t have to be the police if you don’t want, but someone… Someone older than us, someone who an give another opinion. What, what about Tobin? Tobin is the chilliest person we know, you know that she’s guarded about the media, if anyone gets your headspace, it’s her. I really think we should call her. And if… fuck Linds, if she agrees with you, and says that you shouldn’t say anything, then I’ll drop it.” Somewhere in the back of her mind, Emily wondered if that was a promise she could keep.

“I don’t want her to pity me, think I’m weak.”

“She won’t,” Emily insisted, her voice firm. “Just… let me call her. Please?”

After what seemed like hours, Lindsey gave a single jerky nod. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Emily wrapped her arms tighter around her friend, wondering if and how they would possibly survive this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Several of you said you wanted to read more, so here's another chapter. Also, I didn't originally specify, but this takes place in spring 2019, before the WWC. Let me know what you think!

When Lindsey's tears had faded to sniffs and hiccups, Emily carefully extracted herself and walked into the kitchen. With shaking hands she pulled out her phone, scrolling through until she saw Tobin's name. She took a deep breath and pressed call, praying that she would answer.

After several rings, she picked up with a laugh. "Hey- stop it, I'm on the phone- Hey Sonny, what's up?"

"Hey. Um... are you busy?"

"Honestly, um yeah, is there- Chris!- anyway I can call you back?"

Everything in Emily wanted to say that it was fine, let her have this obviously happy moment with Christen, but she couldn't. "Uh... no. No, I need to talk to you. It's... yeah."

"What's wrong?" She could hear Tobin's voice growing more serious.

"Something... uh, Lindsey needs to talk to you. She wants, well she doesn't want to, but..."

"Sonny. Emily, what's wrong?"

"You just need to come. You're the only other person she would agree to talk to. Please, I just need you to come over here."

"Okay. Okay, which apartment are you in?"

"Hers, but I feel like she'll probably want to come to mine. Or maybe we'll stay, I don't-"

"Hey, just calm down. I'm gonna come right over. Just stay where you are."

"Okay."

"Are you okay?"

Emily let out a strangled laugh. "I'm... just come."

"Okay. Hold on, I'm on my way."

X

Lindsey was in the bathroom when the knock sounded on the apartment door, and Emily hurried to open it, groaning when she saw not just Tobin but Christen as well.

"I thought you would come alone," she explained, stepping back to let them both in. "Not that I don't like seeing you Chris, but... it was hard enough to get Linds to agree to just Tobin, I don't want her to get upset-"

"What happened in here?" The two women had walked past Emily to take in the current state of the apartment. "This place is a wreck."

"Yeah, and I've roomed with Lindsey enough to know that she's as much of a clean freak as I am. Is everything okay?" Christen asked.

Emily looked back and forth between the two of them, trying to push down her tears. "No," she finally said. "It's not. And I don't know what to do."

A flush sounded from the bathroom, and Emily quickly walked over. "Uh, Linds, Tobin's here, and she brought Christen."

The door opened and Lindsey took a step out, her eyes playing over the group of women. "Hey. Um... I'm, I'm sorry that my apartment is a wreck."

Tobin took a step forward. "It's cool, dude. Seriously don't worry about it. Is... is everything alright?"

Lindsey nodded, then seemed to reconsider and shake her head. Finally, she walked over to the couch, sinking into the cushions and burying her face in her hands. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get everyone all freaked out. I'm, I'm fine, it's really not that big of a deal-"

"Yes it is!" Emily yelled. "It's a big fucking deal!"

"Woah, everyone calm down," Tobin said. 

"I can't! Not if she's going to downplay this-"

She looked up. "I'll be fine, Em-"

"He raped you!"

The entire room came to a screeching halt, and somewhere in the back of her mind Emily realized that it was the first time the word had been spoken aloud since she'd come down.

Tobin walked forward and slowly sat down on the couch, her eyes never leaving Lindsey. "Is that true?"

The blonde in question turned to stare ahead at the wall in front of her, nodding after a long moment.

"Lindsey, oh my God..." Christen gasped, stepping nearer.

"Who?"

Lindsey didn't look at Tobin. "Just... some dude from my gym."

"At the gym?"

"No. Here."

"When?" Christen asked.

"Last weekend. Saturday."

"I'm... so sorry," Tobin whispered. "What did the police say?"

Lindsey cleared her throat slightly. "I... I'll be fine."

Tobin furrowed her eyebrows. "They told you that you'll be okay?"

"They didn't say anything, because she didn't tell them." Emily hadn't meant for her voice to come off so accusatory, she was just so upset and scared, her emotions were out of control.

"Why not?" Tobin asked.

Lindsey gave a shrug. "Because... like I said, I'll be fine. I don't need to get the police involved."

"What he did is a crime."

Lindsey refused to look at Christen. "I don't want anyone to know."

Tobin ran a hand over her face. "Lindsey, you have nothing to be ashamed about-"

"I'm not! It's just not anyone else's business!"

"How are you feeling?" Christen asked gently.

"Like an idiot for ever agreeing to go on a date in the first place."

"No, I mean... physically."

"Oh." Lindsey stared at the wall for a moment. "I'm not really sore anymore. And there was... bleeding, but it's stopped."

"You should see a doctor."

"Chris..."

"I'm serious. It... it sounds like you could maybe have tearing. And even if it's stopped bleeding, someone should make sure it's healing properly."

"We need to call the police," Tobin said, and Emily's body flooded with relief. "You need to file a report, and they can take you to the ER so you can be checked out-"

"No." Lindsey came to her feet, turning to face them. "I'm not telling anyone. No one can know."

"The police won't-"

"Won't what? Won't tell me there's nothing they can do? Won't ask if I wanted it at the time and now I'm just crying wolf? And even if they did believe me, which they won't, what next? Hm? They'll file a report, using my name."

"The police won't release information-"

"Someone will!" Lindsey cut Christen off. "Information always gets out, especially stuff you don't want to. I don't know if anyone in this room remembers, but we have a World Cup to defend this summer. You really think they're going to call me up if my name is in all the papers? Are they really going to trust me to defend our title when I..." her voice wavered, "when I can't even defend myself?"

Tobin stood up from the couch, "None of this is your fault."

Lindsey gave a snarky laugh. "Really? Would you feel that way if it were you, Tobin? No really, think about it. If you were me, would you really be ready to go skipping down to the police station, to tell them about the worst thing that's happened in your entire fucking life? Knowing that everyone's going to find out? Even if the media didn't find out, which they will, I would have to tell Jill. I can't be in any sort of legal shit without her knowing. So think it over real hard, Tobin. What would you do? Tell me."

Emily watched as a flurry of emotions crossed Tobin's face. "Linds... I can't... I can't imagine what you're going through right now. And I cant guarantee that the media won't find out. But he doesn't get to, to hurt you like this and keep living his life. He should have to suffer for what he's done."

Lindsey shook her head. "He won't suffer. The only person that will suffer is me. Me... and my parents," she gave a raspy sob. "How could I possibly tell my parents?"

"It'll be hard. But they need to know, if only so they can help support you," Christen said softly.

"That's selfish," Lindsey countered. "Tell them so they can be heart broken and upset, in the hopes of me feeling better?"

"They won't think you're being selfish," Emily assured her.

"You need to tell the police, if only so that they know what he's capable of. Because... what if he does this again? What if it happened to someone like Mal or Tierna?"

"But it didn't!" Lindsey yelled, fed up with the three of them trying to talk sense into her. "It wasn't Mal, it was me! All five foot fucking nine of me!" She grabbed a candle off of one of her bookshelves and hurled it across the room, the other three jumping as it shattered against the wall. "I know what people are going to say! And I can't do it!"

Tobin stepped cautiously closer, hands raised just in case the next projectile was aimed at her. "Hey. I need you to listen to me. I understand what you're saying, okay? I really do. I hate people being in my business just as much as you do. And you have the right to your privacy. But... if it was me... if it had happened to me, I can only hope that someone would convince me to tell the police. Because... because it would destroy me otherwise. It would sit inside of me and eat at me from the inside out. And that's not fair. He doesn't get to do that." She took a deep breath, peering up at Lindsey's face. "And Chris is right. You need to see a doctor.You have to take care of your body."

Lindsey stared at her, her eyes filled with tears and hopelessness. "I don't want people to think I'm weak," she finally muttered, her jaw clenching.

"They won't. This... this is hard. And I for one think you're the strongest person I know. If anyone can do this, it's you. Because you're not weak. You're Lindsey fucking Horan."

She sank back down onto the couch. "I don't... I don't want to keep feeling this way. Sad and mad and scared. I hate it."

"So will you let us call the police?"

"I don't..." she cleared her throat. "I really don't know what they'll be able to do. But okay. Fine."

"Okay." Tobin let out a slow breath. "What if... What if you and Chris go up to Em's apartment? She can make you some tea and you can wait for them there? And Em and I will be up in a second."

Lindsey shrugged, and slowly walked towards Christen without another word. Christen tried to take her hand, but she shrugged away. 

"Can I have your key?" Christen asked Emily softly.

"It's uh... it's not locked," she replied. "I didn't... I just kinda walked out, I didn't... it should be unlocked."

Christen nodded and followed Lindsey out of the apartment.

Once they were alone Tobin let out a slow breath before turning to face Emily. "Fuck."

"Yeah." They stared at each other for a moment. "I've never seen her like this. And I mean... not that it's not natural to be upset, of course she should be, I'm upset and it didn't even happen to me, so of course she is-"

Tobin pulled her into a hug, cutting off her nervous rambling. She sank into the embrace, only realizing in the moment how exhausted she was. She rested her head on Tobin's shoulder for several long moments before pulling away, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. "I can't believe this happened. And that she didn't tell anyone for nearly a week."

"I know." Tobin turned to look at the bedroom door, then looked back at Emily. "Is that where-"

"Yeah."

She slowly walked forward, pushing open the door but stopping in the threshold. "Oh my God."

Emily took a few steps closer. "I don't think she's slept in there since. And she said she tried to scrub the mattress, so I don't know what the police can get from there, but... but the sheets are in the corner." Tobin looked where indicated, then shook her head, bringing her hand to her mouth. "And I think... there's a shirt and underwear in the kitchen trash. I think maybe..."

Tobin nodded, her eyes not leaving the bloodied sheets. 

"Are... are you going to call?" Tobin nodded again, pulling out her phone. "Tobs?"

"Yeah, Son?"

"I just... thank you for coming over. She wasn't listening to me, and I needed someone, someone older who she respects and could get through to her-"

"Any time, Em. You can call me literally any time." She glanced down at her phone screen for a moment, then glanced back up. "Do... do i call 911? I mean... this isn't an emergency, really. We need police, but..."

"I don't know. Maybe... maybe google non emergency police?"

"Yeah... Okay..." She began to type on her phone, eyebrows furrowing as she scrolled through the results. When she felt like she had found the right one, she brought the phone up to her ear, giving Emily one last look. "Here we go." She waited several moments. "Yes, I uh... I guess I need to report a crime? I'm actually calling on behalf of someone..." Emily stopped listening, instead turning and casting another glance around Lindsey's apartment. She wasn't sure what was going to happen next, but she had the sinking feeling it was going to get much worse before it began to get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What else would you guys like to read about this?


End file.
